Changes

I've definitely made some huge changes in my life. Which in my opinion (which is the only one that matters) was all for the best! I've gotten closer to my family, I've gotten closer to some old friends and lastly and most importantly God. I have never been the type to revolve my life around my religion, let alone even believe half of what any of it was it about. But after Hunter left I found myself drawing closer and closer to my religion. People say I only changed because of him but I consciously made this decision way before I met him. He just helped boost it in to action! Any one that knows me knows that I was out of control.. I definitely have came a long way than when I first started. Don't get me wrong it would be the easiest thing in the world to just call it quits and move on with my life doing the "easy thing" which would involve me just doing whatever I want whenever I want, getting messed up out of my mind. But I find myself doing things that are going to benefit me in the long run and I couldn't be any more content than that. My prayers are answered in the craziest ways which excites me even more. I notice myself getting smarter (which is even more weird). I look around myself and realize that the people I used to associate myself with are not even happy.. How could putting others down make YOU happy? All in all I can say that my life has changed for the better, and I'm never going back.

I just.. Miss my boyfriend.

I really can't believe that Hunter has been gone for almost 2 months. This honestly has been one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do! It's hard not knowing the future, but that's just something that I personally need to work.. Having absolute faith and trusting that things are going to work out. You could say that I've done a lot of Spring cleaning with my life (more like Summer, but who cares)! I've lost some of my friends due to this huge change, but I can honestly say that this was Gods plan for me. And I'm completely okay with it. This has made me focus more on the important things in life, like family, school, church and work. But more importantly my future! This is really the happiest I've been in my entire life and I can only thank those who have pushed me to work that much harder. I'm back in school, more focused than ever! My boyfriend is serving a mission and I could not be any more proud of him. It's crazy how he can still make me like the only girl in the world for him yet he is a million and twenty seven miles away! Not really but it's an estimate haha. I just miss him so so so much and I just wish he were home to experience all these life changes with me!

Good Things Fall Apart, So Better Things Can Come Together.

I sit here and think about all the great things I have going for myself right now in my life... I have an amazing family, some great close friends, I attend school and I have a pretty good job. Recently some friendships/relationships have ended, I'm not too happy about it but honestly what can you do? I know I'm a hard person to deal with, I have a lot of flaws that I personally need to work out myself. But all in all I'd say I'm a pretty great person and I have a big heart. So through losing a few things in my life I've gained some good things! Hunter.. Honestly I have no idea how this even happened.. It was out of nowhere.. I met him a year ago at a party, and never spoke to him ever again! A little less than two months ago I re-met him at a going away party for a friend. The funny thing about this situation is that his friend was a little more into me than he was, but something about him just pulled me in. He texted me on the number I had given his friend a few nights before, due to the fact that I was not fast enough to give it to him myself ;) We then began talking every day, he took me on a date, then that one date turned into two, then three and so on! I've seen him pretty much every day since probably our second date. I honestly can not get enough. He makes me happy, he doesn't judge me, he cares for me and has yet to disappoint me. But wait it's not over yet. I mentioned him in my last blog, he is my missionary. He leaves July 13th. I swear just yesterday he was leaving in like seven weeks.. He leaves in three, and this makes me so sad. In this short time of knowing him I'm feeling things I don't think I have ever felt before. He means SO much to me and I know that he will be a great missionary. A part of me wishes I would have met him after his mission but then another part of me is so thankful that I met him when I did. He's showed me a few things about myself I didn't even know existed. I couldn't thank him enough. I love you, Hunter. You're amazing! :)

Losing friends due to making new ones is never a fun thing..

Recently I have made a new friend that I have grown to love as a person. He knows me so well already and it's only been about a month. The sad thing about this new friendship is that he is leaving to go on a mission to Australia. It gets brought up daily about how he is leaving and how bad it sucks and all that. He really is someone I care about a lot but everything happens for a reason, and I do believe that he was brought into my life at this time for something. He makes me want to be a better person and reminds me about the important things in life every day. So through all this exciting business, some not so exciting stuff has happened.. I've lost which I considered one of my best friends. No clue why. But apparently I'm a shady individual and that he never even liked me. Which is FINE. It just kinda sucks that he had to go tell other people what he REALLY thought about me instead of telling me. I do believe that this happened because of my new found relationship with my missionary. It sucks but like I said.. Everything happens for a reason! Couldn't be any more happier than I am right now. Life is great, my family is great and so are my friends.

Everything Changes..

I don't quite know how to feel exactly. Happy because I know they are in love and they are happy with each other, or sad because I know that I can no longer go downstairs and talk to her whenever I need her or just feel like talking. This really IS a bitter sweet feeling. She's my best friend even when times are tough. I do things that make her mad or that disappoint her, but yet she still loves me and always will. A sister bond is different than any other bond you can form in this entire world. She's strong and she's beautiful and I have no idea what I would do without her.. People keep telling me it's all a part of life, blahblahblah! BUT I know this is different than most peoples experiences with their siblings moving out and starting a life of their own.. I think that is the reason why I have been distancing myself, I'm scared.. I'm scared that I won't be able to see her when I wanna see her, or talk to her when I wanna talk to her. Everything changes when she gets married tomorrow and it really is freaking me out. I was asked to give a toast and I have no clue what to say because I know I will probably just end up crying the whole time haha. Don't get me wrong I'm more than happy for Brandon and my sister. I just know this is going to take some getting used to. Hopefully everything will turn out and will run smoothly. I love you both and I can not wait for you to be happily married!
WOOOOO :)

MY Mom :)

We all love our moms, that is a given. They raised us, cooked for us, provided for us, loved us and put us above everything else. Today is the day you give thanks to your mom and remind her how thankful you are for her. Whether your mom is your dad, grandparent, foster parent or step mom, they are still your mom. I especially want to give thanks to my beautiful mother. I've put her through more than any mom deserves, but yet she STILL loves me and always will. I could never be any more grateful than I am today for having her as MY mom. She's my rock and my everything. Without her I wouldn't be the person I am today. She understands me better than anyone else and knows exactly what I need to do, even when I don't want to hear it. She is the most beautiful mother in the world and I am so glad that I look exactly like her ;)

Mom you are wonderful and you are strong. NEVER EVER forget it! I LOVE YOU! <3 Happy Mothers Day.

I AM SO THANKFUL

Lately I have become so grateful for everything I have in my life. Like I really am just bursting with happiness all of the time! I feel as though I need to remind a few people why I am so thankful for them..


I am so thankful that I can sit in my kitchen so tired and sick from surgery and do arts and crafts with you. You will make a great needy wife ;) You know me better than anyone, and I love you more than anything! PS. You will always be my number one best friend.

I am so thankful that I can call you at one in the morning and you will answer my call WITHOUT fail. You're one of my best friends. You listen to me even when all I'm doing is complaining about stupid things that have no meaning and won't matter tomorrow! I'm thankful that your one job is to feed me and take care of me.. Even if you don't buy me my hot pink running shoes. I LOVE YOU!

I am so thankful that we talk every day all day. You came into my life when I needed something new and different. You inspire me to change my life for the better. We are both really weird but I love it. You are becoming an even greater friend to me more and more every day. I will earn my place, you will see ;)

I am so thankful that I have known you for a year and you still have not gotten sick of me. You are truly one of the greatest people in my life. You love me for me and you will never turn your back on me. You do whatever you can to make me happy! Even when I am being the biggest brat in the world ;) CROSS TREKKERS!!!

I am so thankful that you have came back into my life.. We have had our rough times and they sucked and it even ended our friendship for awhile which was honestly a really sad moment in my life. You have always loved me and cared for me and I'm excited to see where things go now meMOREies! LOVE YOU!

I am so thankful that I got the chance to know you so well.. Even after things ended the way they did, just know that I will always care for you and you will ALWAYS have a place in my heart. You never judged me and you were there for me when I was at my lowest. Who knows.. Maybe things will end up the way they were supposed to... cough NFL WIFE cough ;)

I am so thankful that you have become my best friend. Even if you have a boyfriend that will never change the way I feel about you. You're the greatest friend I could have asked for, even when we do fight and are getting on each others nerves. I love you.

I am so thankful that I can count on you no matter what. You have never failed to show that you will never give up on me. You truly are the greatest mom ever. I will show you that this time is different. I love you more than anything in this entire world.

I am so thankful that you were blessed with an amazing voice and your MANY talents. You make me feel better when I'm down. You're the greatest little brother ever. You inspire me to be better. I love you.

I am so thankful that I get to call you my little sister.. I feel every day me getting more protective over you. Especially since you are dating kids my age ;) You're a brat and you steal my clothes but you are special to me. Most amazing dancer in this entire world. I LOVE YOU!

I am so thankful that we have been getting closer and closer. You truly are becoming one of my bestest friends ever. We need to work on your positive attitude though ;) you're amazing never forget it.

I am so thankful that you do my laundry.. Without you I would not have clean clothes! ;) I'm kidding but really.. You are the greatest grandma ever. You do so much for me I don't think I could ever repay you. I love you so much.

I am so thankful for anyone that has made an impact in my life. You are all amazing and special to me in different ways. You all have played a part in shaping the person I am today. I love you.

Boyfriends..

I know I said I would not be negative, but this is just something that I need to vent and get off my chest. GIRLS WHO HAVE OR WANT BOYFRIENDS for all of the wrong reasons! It drives me nuts.. It's one thing to have a boyfriend and to have mutual trust and care about each other and its another to want them just because you feel left out, sad or lonely. Don't get me wrong having a boyfriend is the best at times, but it can also be the worst too. A few of my friends have what I would consider unhealthy relationships. They can't go places or do things without being questioned or getting into a fight about it. ANOTHER thing, don't blow your friends off to hang out with your boyfriend, because all you're doing right there is burning bridges with the people that will ALWAYS be there for you vs. the boy that might not be there a few days later! I have gotten this more than once about me being anti-relationship/boyfriend. NO i'm not anti anything. I'm anti the fact that people just so carelessly get into a relationship that is based solely on hooking up or getting something out of it (rewards)! Again don't get me wrong I have been one of those people, but after growing up and realizing that relationships are more than just those "rewards", I know to be more careful then to just go throw myself into something that i'm not fully ready to be in. 

I see couples that are completely and genuinely happy with each other (Jordan Lowry and Ashley Bridenstine :)) I've told them  more than once that I just love them together because they are the type of couple where you could hang out with them both and not feel weird, you just know that they sincerely love each others company. That's the kind of relationship that I would not mind having a duplicate version of for myself. Or for another example my sister and her fiance. YEAH I know they get in stupid fights and get mad at each other for dumb things, but they really do love each other and you can see it by the way they just look at each other. If I could find a boy half as good and just as loving as Brandon I would totally tell him to put a ring on it. But no boys have showed me that side of them. Wait, that's a lie. I know boys that have and I know boys that would do anything for me if I asked, I'm just not ready to put myself out there like that. I'm only 19, I still have 10 plus years to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. That's why there's so much freaking divorce nowadays because you have kids graduating and jumping into relationships solely based on the fact that they dated all through high school and they feel like they could spend the rest of their lives with each other. Or the "rebound" relationships, those also drive me nuts. Yeah we get that you're sad and lonely but HEY there are a million other people out there that are feeling the exact same way as you and aren't jumping into a relationship to get back at your ex or to make themselves feel good! 

I really could rant and rave about how there are so many stupid people in this world who just throw their heart around and give it out like its candy but then I really would just be another negative relationship hater and i'm not :) 

If you're happy then GOOD FOR YOU. But don't come to me and tell me how lonely you are and how you just want to kill your boyfriend right now because you know what, you know how I feel about them and my opinion isn't going to get any better of how I feel about you guys together. 

P.S. I'm not anti-boyfriend :) I am just waiting for the RIGHT guy to come around because I am sick of wasting my energy and love into something that isn't going any where! 

That is all! Thank you for reading!

-Cassandra 

Positive Attitude Brings Positive Things!

I'm usually a very positive person, and along with being positive comes being strong. I always try to look for the good in every situation but before this last week, I was in this slump of just being negative. I didn't want to be home, I didn't want to do anything. You could say that I was somewhat depressed and unhappy, more unhappy with myself than anything else. Along with this new found attitude, I have just become what feels like a whole new person! I'm so happy all of the time, and I absolutely love it. The past week so many unfortunate things have happened.. I got pulled over, and received a ticket for going 9 over. Well really, I was going 45 in a 30, and I really believe that it is part of this whole bad karma thing. 

When you do bad things you attract all of the possible bad. When you are doing good things, good things happen to you! This wasn't the first incident where my bad doing attracted bad things, but what can you do? Along with this speeding ticket that I should have been way more upset about, I got sick and then I had surgery which may I add made me lose feeling to my ear and the lower part of my jaw, AND its going to cost me a lot more than what I can afford BUT you know what at least I'm tumor free now and I couldn't be any more GRATEFUL. Don't get me wrong ALL of these things put a damper on my whole mood, but for some reason it didn't get me down the way things a few weeks ago would have got me down. I'm still so very happy and I love it! I love life! And for the first time in my life I can say that things are only getting better from here on out. I'm on a whole new kick of having a positive attitude because who wants to associate themselves with someone who only sees the negative in every situation. NOT ME. 

I have a job, I have the most amazing family and friends, I have a home, I have a lot more than most people do and I'm thankful everyday for all of these blessings in my life. I love my new found positive attitude! 

-Cassandra

The start..

Just recently I had what you might consider, a "wake up call". I woke up way sick, sicker than I have ever been in my life. My body was aching, my throat was swollen and throbbing along with my head, I was SO weak that I didn't even really get out of bed for 3 days. I had surgery that Friday and you could say that all together I was FREAKING OUT. I mentally broke down one night, texted the one person I knew would never turn his back on me, my brother. I asked him to pray for me, he then began to ask me if I was okay, I told him I was I just was so sick that I needed more than just medicine to help  me out with this one. This was the first time in a long time that I had turned to prayer as a way to help me out of a crappy situation. One might say yeah so what you're sick. Well this was like the millionth time being sick in a period of a month, and I had a somewhat risky surgery that I needed to be well for on Friday. He wasn't the only one that I had praying for me, I also started praying again along with some of my good friends, THANK YOU. It really did help. I received a blessing on Thursday night, that also helped and made me feel so content and at ease with the whole situation.

You could say that I live my life careless and crazy and I do whatever I want, because you would be right. Lately, well for a few months now I have been living my life the way I want in no regards to the way my mom or my family feel about it. Well, it's finally catching up to me, in a  not so healthy way. And I can honestly say that i'm done with my party lifestyle until I am mature enough to handle all of the consequences that come along with it.. It's time for me to grow up and become somebody and something that I know that I CAN BE. This one experience has made me decide to start blogging also.. Someone wise once told me, you feel better when you get things down on paper.. In my case it will be in  my blog, and I am so excited to start it. I never thought of myself as a good writer so we will see how this unfolds itself. Bear with me!

So let me tell you a little bit about my life.. My name is Cassandra Lee Knuth, I have 3 siblings, Samantha (22), Taylor (18), and Mckenzie (16)... OH and how could I forget about my soon to be Brother-In-Law Brandon,  in approximately 25 days from now (May 20,2011)!  I can not tell you how excited I am to finally have an older brother that is somewhat, kinda cool ;)..He is SO lucky to marry someone so amazing like my sister Sam.

I grew up with two parents.. Jennifer and Nathan. My dad was really never around, so I'd say that my mom was technically a single parent and did a really good job. So here I am 19 now, just finished my first year of college, who would have thought that I could have done that! I work as a server, at Brick Oven Pizza. I'm single, and I like it that way as of right now at least.. I feel that changing here soon though, which is very weird for me to say. I have the best of best friends ever Liz Cahoon, Alyssa Gardner and Fabian Ramierez. Lately I've been talking and hanging out with Ashley Bridenstine a lot! I love them :) I know that I can count on them for anything, even when we are kind of sick of each other.. haha ;) 

I would say that I'm the black sheep of the family, any one that knows me would say that I am! My family is amazing though and has tolerated my craziness. And through everything, I know that I can count on them. Fabian told me that 2011 is going to be my year, and its kind of sad that I am just now starting to believe that he is right! I am so excited for all these things that are beginning to take their place in my life! I know that I am in store for one crazy ride. 

-Cassandra